Pit Viper
I love working in an office, really I do. The building I work in houses 3 divisions, plus a warehouse. It's great, full of disgruntled employees and way too many incompetent managers. Add to this a huge mix of "temporary" employees. "Temporary" meaning our company's too cheap to step up to the plate and offer them benes like they should.
One of the unfortunate benefits of having so many "temps" around is the mistakes they make. You see, where I work is right outta Wisteria Lane, except t'aint no one near as good lookin' as you see on TV. When a newcomer arrives, there's a whole subdivision which circles their prey, not offering an ounce of assistance, but for sure loaded for bear when that poor newbie crosses a line. Any line. Line in the sand, line on your forehead, lunch line, you name it. It usually starts out with an incredulous "Didn't you know?!" Well duh! How could they? There isn't ONE training manual in the fargin' place. And you've gotta love a company whose employee handbook is a PDF file on a network drive.
That said, I just HAVE to share with you a typical e-mail pounce by one of our Queens. She has an incredible wit, and is sharp as hell. Let me set the scene: the original message is from the latest H.R. temp to split the fold. She lasted all of about 2 months. Young, might have had a degree, and spent a-lot of time planning a wedding. . ..
I just wanted to send out a quick email letting everyone know how much i
have enjoyed working here at [Your Company Here]. I wanted to thank everyone
for being so kind and welcoming to me. Monday i will be starting a new job
at [Horrors! It's a charter school] in their HR department. I will truly miss
working here.
Thanks again for everything and best wishes to all of you.
Nice. Warm enough to not burn a bridge, but oh, the veiled passive-aggressive "so kind and welcoming". She's good!
All hail the queen:
No Stompy, Thank YOU. For getting the hell out of here. Your voice and
the sound of your thighs rubbing together as you stomp by has been
grating on my nerves for far too long now. And you'll never make any of us
believe that you really think Skippy is funny. So now you can quit laughing at
his lame ass jokes.
I hope she learns that "I" should be capitalized regardless of where it
is used in the sentence. They probably don't teach that in History 101.
Buy, Stompy. Farwell. Yule bee mist.
How can you compete with that? Some nights, I can't sleep.
9 comments:
What the hell is she jealous about? The fact the she is still stuck there, still working for this company or that she’s not getting married? The more catty a woman is...the more jealous she is. My opionion.
She needs a life. Good post Jim, I like your site more and more.
Yes, please share with me how I can control the hotcodez.
I had a great weekend - check out my post.
Later..Jodes
oh thats funny...haha...i can see some people that i work with do something like that...haha
harsh. I don't capitalize my I's half the time simply because I'm lazy...but the thigh thing was pretty funny. :)
oooh queenie is harsh....
So glad I am in a place now were the queens are at a minimal exsistance!
THanks Jim for the info!
Ohhhh... I so don't miss having co-workers! :) (I work all by myself now)
This Is hysterIcal. I work In gov't where we hIre x-tra help (9 month) employees so that we don't have to pay for benefIts. We get a new shIpment of newbies every 9 months. I love to watch them scramble for a posItIon In the herd, trying to fIgure out who has the power to make or break them. Making fun of them adds to morale. Great post JIm.
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