Thanksgiving?! What Thanksgiving?

So yeah, it snowed like the bajeezus on Thanksgiving. Got the kiddies all worked-up into a frenzy, building snow bunkers under European Horn Bean trees (STILL holding onto all their leaves! Wretched Europeans. . . . . . ) the Christmas tree assembled and decorated, outdoor trimmings installed, and good behavior oooozing from their pores. The l'il cherubs!

This evening, under balmy springtime temps (you should see the weather man's color bars indicating the 40 degree drop in temps between here and Minnesota,) all the snow has melted except a few of the bumps which WERE the protective walls of the "West Side" bunkers. There's no sign of the "East Side" bunkers across the street, I think they scrammed under cover of night. . . .


Hey!

Did'ja hear??? Dumb-ass Matt Millen spackled another layer of Desitin on his whiney-hiney and fired Mariucci. Gotta love the fine folks in the Ford family for giving that bloated dork a 5 YEAR extension on his contract. (For the liberals out there who might be sports challenged, Millen is the equivalent of a fat George W.) Unbelievable. It's time for Old Man Bill to end our suffering and park his car in the garage with the engine running while talking strategy with Millen about how to build the perfect submarine sandwich.

Of course, to make it up to the Ford family, I have to give credit where credit is due. Have you seen this car?

Love it. Lovett? LUV. IT.

Of course, purchasing one would go against my self-proclaimed pragmatism whereby I WILL NOT purchase another new car. In my defense, we've outgrown the Focus. Yep, absolutely outgrown it. No way that little car can possibly meet our needs any more. Nope, gotta pull a Jefferson and move on up. Sometime.

So them's my bumps. See y'all down the road, Jack!

Open your mind

Checking-up on Storm's vaca, and she reports that she done went to a sooth-sayer. You know, a seer, diviner, prophetess, clairvoyant, medium, (ok- that's pushing it a bit. Did you see her picture?? No? Check again. Gaze into those eyes and I'm butta', I tell ya!) mind reader, mitt reader, oracle. Ya got guts, Storm (that's sisu to you Finns oot dere in da UP.) No, check that. Cojones.

I mean, that's like letting someone rifle through your underwear drawer. There's just too much for them to find out. (I'm talking about mine, not yours. You know what I mean. I hope.) Not even most trusted friends have access there, let alone a master mind-bender.

I've had 3 brushes with Clare Voyant, and it was like The Three Bears: this one's too hot, this one's too cold, and this one's juuuuust right. Please, I beg you, allow me to put it in bruinilogical order for you.

Scene 1- Cut to 1992, young DINNKs (double income, no kids) being jetted to glitzy, glorious Merrilville, IN so Wifey can interview with large conglomerate. Jimmy was out of sorts on this trip, a fish out of water. First of all, I had to swallow my pride; this would make our life "unconventional" in the Ward and June Cleaver sense of things. Next thing hard to shake was that feeling that Mitchell McDeere had in The Firm when he started to pick up on how the firm does everything for you (and this was BEFORE the movie came out.) While Wifey interviewed and tested, they had a realtor drive me around to see some areas (Valpo was nice), and a feeling of dread came over me when I saw something: a gated community. Things started clicking in my mind about something I had heard from a coworker who hit the fleece markets in Northern Indiana quite a bit, something about a pretty heavy supremacist area nearby, complete with their own "force". The guard shack at the gate definitely gave you the creeps. After I got back to the hotel, I needed to veg- but didn't want to hang in the room (THEY might be watching!) SO- wandering the lobby I come across a lady who interprets your handwriting. I will just say that it was pretty frightening how quick she was. But I will admit to not having a game-face on like Storm did. I don't play Texas Hold-em, for a very good reason.


Scene 2- Same DINNKs are in Chicago for a baseball weekend with mucho amigos. Doing the pub crawl from Wrigley Field back to Lincoln Park, we start hitting the pubs on Halstead and wander into the Corner Pocket. As luck would have it, just before we got there there was a fortune teller working a folding table at the corner. The girls saw it, and you could tell the train-wreck was on. We weren't in the pub for 5 minutes and they were pacing like a Yorkie on a windowsill hearing the faucet running after drinking a bottled water. It was killing them, so off they went. 20 minutes later they're back. And they're not talking. 2 of them got the bad news that "they're not the one". Wifey was told of our reproductive future. 1-2-3 I'm Out!


Scene 3- We're in college, so we're not DINNKs yet. Campus Life has a funnier-than-shit comedian/hypnotist in to work his magic on a Thursday night (I think his name was Tom DeLuca. If so, props to Tom!) I'd been hypnotized before, and needed no convincing of its capabilities. It's extremely powerful. But to see what he could do to those poor unsuspecting folks, how he could make them think they're completely naked up on stage at the mere utterance of a single word, or that they've caught the biggest marlin ever and they've got to reel. it. in. with. all. their. might. Mmm-mm. Nope. I'll just do some mescaline if I want to have my mind outta my body like that.

So that's the hot, cold, and juuuust right of it. The bad and the ugly was back in high school after a good family friend died when I was in 10th grade. Some time later, I heard that one of his daughters had been to a card reader months before he died and Clare Voyant flipped a death card or some Yu-gi-oh super power card like that. The card stopped her cold, she had a vision that she could see her with her sisters looking down and crying, and it seemed that they were kneeling.

He died of a massive heart-attack on the dance floor at a daughter's wedding. The family has been nearly destroyed since that time: suicide, drunkicide, etc. I wonder, what else did she see? Did she tell her everything? Did she see that his own brother would steal everything from their firm and leave his sister-in-law a pauper, with two still in school? Or did she see death's grip in his own family's future and remain silent, perhaps with the crooked grin seen on so many gypsy's faces in bad movies through the years?

For certain, I will never know. I'm still sorting issues, folding them neatly, and tucking them away in my underwear drawer.

In a BlogFog, and I can't find my dog

Wow, am I tardy. It's been what, two and a half weeks? During which time I've served myself heaping portions of all y'alls updates and gotten long in the tooth with my comments, but just couldn't come up with the time to git-r-dunne myself. It's like this: I'm tired. (My mind immediately shifts gears and I'm picturing Madeline Khan in a hot little number complaining about the thousands of men- again and again -all the coming and going, going and coming. . . [ let's face it, I'm tired.] She did that role so well. I miss her.)

SNAP! Back to reality- Things are piling up, had mucho travel in September/October/now, which means work piles up in the office and at home, Wifey and I were both gone last week (although Grandma of course attacked the laundry demon growling behind the pocket door, thanks Ma,) it's the busy season now so piles grow quicker than you can imagine, P-T conferences were today, Wifey's going "shopping" this weekend with the girls-in-laws, Good Buddy's moving, Li'l Bro's building a house, the Sibling Syndicate is debating when to have the family get-together for Christmas, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH!

I'M JUST LIKE YOU PEOPLE!!! (Most of you, anyways. Except I'm not quite as pre-occupied about sex as some of you seem to be. I am giving HNT some thought though. But that's all. Nothing more. Feel free to keep writing your stuff though, I think I'm going to learn a thing or three. Just don't stop. Just don't. Don't stop. )

So, the pic above is fog rolling-in along the shores of the Holy Water. Apologies for it being shot through the window screen, but it was damn damp outside at the time. I thought of it immediately when the word "fog" came to mind for this post's title.

CANCER-LIKE UPDATES
Brave Little Niece continues to do well, and is just now getting out of the wheelchair. I still can't believe they don't put casts on kids for this kind of injury, especially with them removing material from the tumor and the cyst. The leg just can't be that strong with all that bone excavated out. She is a trooper, though.

The bad news is a co-worker's son will now have to have his leg amputated. He had a bout with bone cancer, had treatments and a section removed, surgery to put a steel shaft in its place, grueling PT to get used to the thing, and now the leg is basically dead. Little circulation, no feeling, and prone to serious infection. Thankfully, there is still no sign of cancer, but geez! How much more can they take? Stay strong-

OFFICE CHAT, 'N SHIT
I just love our new IM at the office. I didn't think I would, but recently I spent a day at home and brought work with me. It's lengthy, but hey, you've stayed with me this long. The beginning is clipped off (I had to jump from a 2 person to 5 person session). . .

ME/... (Imagine Beavis&Butt-head voice)
Hm-hm-hm ha-ha. You said "hard", heh-heh-heh. you're 5
minutes too late.
ME/...
ME/... Is there anybody out there?
G #1/... where to busy laughing
G #1/... do you like my grammer!
ME/... Yeah, and your grammar's good too!
G #1/... I give up! I'm going back to the first grade.
BOSS LADY/... james james, what are you doing?
ME/... I've never met your Grammer. Is she nice? Wifey's
Granny was a terrific person, I bet your Grammer is too.
ME/... What do you mean, BOSS LADY?
G #2/... OK off the subject, So jimmy, if you get your work
done in the growler before 4, are you going to take the
offsppring in?
BOSS LADY/... you took the day off just so you could email and i/m?
ME/... Did [Vampiress] show up with the proper bagelage?
G #1/... Yes...[Vampiress] know's how to makes us happy!
ME/... No, I doubt I will bring the kids in. First, Girl M
doesn't get out until 3:50 or so. Then, how to go all the way
home and then be back at the CAN-tina in time for FORMER CO-WORKER's
send-off?
G #2/... what;s taking you so long jimmy?
ME/... Growler masterpieces can't be rushed, G #2.
G #2/... are you going to take a picture?
ME/... you know I don't work well under pressure
G #3/... What's this about the brown trout?
ME/... Picture??? I didn't know you cared. Maybe I can
work up another masterpiece and send a pic later
G #3/... Are the kids in the pool yet?
ME/... I sent the li'l bastards up the river.
G #3/... Ah, the magic of technology.
ME/... So glad you joined the party G #3
G #3/... I'll here for ya.
ME/... Has she seen all the earlier messages?
G #3/... No. Sniff...
G #1/... that's o.k. she doesn't need to bother.
G #3/... I think I know what the topic is....
ME/... G #1's being a party "pooper"
G #3/... ...one of my favorite.
BOSS LADY/... it's like a regular friday around here. james
might not be here physically, but in spirit. No, I don't think
she can see past notes, only what is typed after she gets here.
funny she knew what we were talking about.
G #3/... s.
ME/... h
ME/... i
G #3/... i
ME/... t
G #3/... t
BOSS LADY/... grammer again
ME/... quit reading my mind
G #1/... leave me alone!!
G #3/... OK. Back to the main topic....Plop
plop....fizz...fizz..oh what a relief it is...
ME/... yes, very refreshing
G #3/... So did you dress up as a BROWN M & M today?
BOSS LADY/... is Wifey home?
ME/... nope x 2
G #3/... p
G #3/... a
G #3/... r
G #3/...
G #3/... t
G #3/... a
G #3/... y
ME/... woo-hoo!
BOSS LADY/... have you started drinking yet?
G #3/... Yes, I have. Thanks for asking.
G #1/... We thought it would be fun to start in the office, but
didn't think it was a good idea with the kiddies coming in.
ME/... What shows do you guys need updates on, I can give you
the play-by-play
G #1/... What happened on Dr. Phil?
BOSS LADY/... oprah too.
G #2/... I have to stay for the kiddie haloween party clean
up . bah.
ME/... I dunno. Ellen, Montel, or Maury. A rerun of The Nanny
is on also. (nasal laugh goes here)
ME/... boot the brats out at 5!
BOSS LADY/... work question here james, do you want me to tell
[HQ] to keep the [customer] spec?
ME/... Ummmmmm. . . . yes, for now. They're still selling the
things.
G #2/... wokr? Jimmy's on vacay right now. give the guy a
break.
BOSS LADY/... okay, now, back to booting out the brats.
seriously, that needs to end at 4:30
ME/... Ooooooh! Maury's got Disturbing Paternity Test Results.
Looks like a winner!
G #3/... Yet another reason not to be on the Activities
Committee...G #2, you gotta resign...soon.
G #2/... Give examples. any alien fathers?
ME/... hang on, waiting for the damn colortyme comercial to end.
BOSS LADY/... or was the father really the uncle?
G #1/... better yet the brother
G #2/... Oh- you don't need to give me reasons not to be on
the committee. I m well aware of them, and I'll be retirirng at
the end of the year.
ME/... That's "better", G #1? You've been up in [PODUNK] too long. . . .
G #1/... I hate this thing. I want spell check added.
G #2/... oh - but deciphering is half of the fun
ME/... 3 months ago Sharnita's life fell apart. Today, she's
100% sure that Alfonzo's the father.
BOSS LADY/... and? is she correct?
G #2/... oh dear. how's alfonzo taking it?
ME/... c'mon, you know we'll have to wait until the end for the
answer.
ME/... Alfonzo's thuggin'
G #1/... Any hitting or climbing over chairs yet
G #2/... slow down guys - BOSS LADY needs to eat
G #3/... James, let us know when there is a commercial so we
can go and smoke. Thanks.
G #3/... I NEED A SMOKE.
ME/... 'Fonzo sez she cheated on him. Well, he's more like
yelling. "I aint no foo! I. AM. GONE!"
BOSS LADY/... did he leave?
G #2/... so are you letting us smoke?
G #2/... and eat?
BOSS LADY/... i'm going anyway.
ME/... "even if this child is mine, that means he was 'hittin'
it' at the same time!"
ME/... Sharnita's turned her back on him. It's getting edgy.
I can't watch.
G #3/... We'll be right back James. Be strong.
ME/... OH WAIT!
BOSS LADY/... the other guy is there, right?
G #3/... Wha?
G #2/... jimmy - don't get too involved. this is the kind
of story that willo break your heart.
ME/... He's the father of of the 2 year old, but not the 8
month old.
BOSS LADY/... who is? Fonzo?
ME/... Yup. got the last word, too. "You can't turn a ho
into a housewife."
ME/... Even Maury's powers can't match 'Fonzo.
ME/... OVER.
ME/... AND.
ME/... OUT!