Monday, May 30, 2005

Movie Answers

1. What was the last movie you went to see? I CAN HONESTLY SAY I DON'T REMEMBER, ALTHOUGH I THINK IT WAS LAST FALL, AND I TOOK THE KIDS. I THINK. SLIGHT COMPLICATION OF THE OL' SNOWBOARD INCIDENT OF 2002.

2. What is your all-time favorite movie and why? Did you see it at the theater, or was it a video/DVD? THIS IS A TOUGH ONE,ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY CATEGORIES OF FAVORITES (FAVORITE WHEN I WAS YOUNG, MODERN-DAY FAVORITE, LOVE, ACTION, FANTASY, ETC.) I'M GOING TO SAY 'THE UNFORGIVEN', IN PART BECAUSE I WANTED TO SAY 'THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY' BUT BECAUSE THE DUBBING IS SO HORRENDOUS I HAD TO GO WITH A MODERN FILM. SPEAKING OF BAD DUBBING, DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN GET A COPY OF 'THE ROAD WARRIOR' WITH THE ORIGINAL AUSSIE VOICES, NOT THE AMERICANIZED VOICE-OVERS?

3. What movie stands out in your mind as the one which made you cry the most? 'MY LIFE' STARRING MICHAEL KEATON. HANDS DOWN, NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER, ABSOLUT-LY. SOMEONE I CARED FOR DEEPLY HAD RECENTLY DIED OF CANCER WHEN I SAW THAT. A CLOSE SECOND IS AT THE VERY END OF PHILADELPHIA WHERE THEY SHOW THE OLD HOME MOVIES.

4. What is the funniest movie you've seen? What was your favorite part or line from that movie? ANOTHER DIFFICULT CHOICE, HOW TO CHOOSE BETWEEN FAST TIMES, SIXTEEN CANDLES, S.H.A.B., OFFICE SPACE, CHRISTMAS VACATION, BLAZING SADDLES, OLD SCHOOL? I'M PLACING MY MONEY ON 'THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY'. I CAN HEAR THE GROANS FROM HERE, BUT 'FUNNY' TO ME IS CHECK-YOUR-BRAIN-AT-THE-DOOR COMEDY, NOT AGATHA CHRISTIE FUNNY; THAT MOVIE WAS HILARIOUS (IF A BIT GROSS) FROM BEGINNING TO END. FAVORITE LINE: "FRANKS AND BEANS!"

5. Is there a movie which changed your opinion on something? What movie was it? YES. 'PHILADELPHIA'.

6. What is the worst movie you've ever paid to see at the theater? THE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN WAS 'WINDTALKERS' A HORRIBLE RE-TELLING OF A SIGNIFICANT PART OF AMERICAN HISTORY. OR, ANOTHER WASTE OF FILM ON NICHOLAS CAGE, THE COPPOLA FAMILY EMBARRASMENT EVER SINCE 'LEAVING LAS VEGAS'. SINCE I WATCHED THAT AT MY BROTHER'S HOUSE IT CAN'T BE MY ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION.

7. Popcorn? Jujifruits? Licorice? Junior Mints? Nachos? or Raisinettes? POPCORN. IT'S MY ONLY VICE LEFT. WELL, FOOD VICE AT LEAST.

8. Have you ever been intimate with someone while watching a movie at the theater? What movie was it the last time? (Please don't say Schindler's List!) Are you still with this person? SURPRISINGLY NO. BUT THERE'S PLENTY LOVELIES OUT THERE, SO YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S STILL A CHANCE!

9. Have you ever screamed while watching a movie or shouted at the screen? What did you say? YES. DURING ROCKY 3 WHEN MR. T IS KICKING BUTT, I THINK I GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT AND SAID SOMETHING LIKE 'SOMEBODY KILL THAT GUY'. I WAS YOUNG.

10. Name your favorite movie soundtrack. Can you remember the part of the movie where your favorite song is played?THIS ONE SENT ME INTO AN UNRECOVERABLE SPIN. I ONLY OWN TWO, FAST TIMES AND DANCES WITH WOLVES. WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE, I THINK I HAD THE LP FOR PRETTY IN PINK BUT THAT'S LONG GONE. ALL THAT BEING SAID, I DON'T THINK I COULD CONSIDER ANY OF THESE MY FAVORITE, BUT I'M NOT ABLE TO THINK OF ONE AFTER ALMOST A WEEK OF TRYING GOOGLING AND PERUSING MOVIE TITLES BY YEAR. I FELT I COULDN'T PUT THIS OFF ANY LONGER. HOW DO YOU SPELL 'ANTI-CLIMACTIC'?

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Filming meme

Seen a good movie lately? I haven't been to the theater since, well, lets see...., I know I took the kids to see something last fall. What WAS it? (Another gift of the snowboarding concussion, worsening memory.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah! I was talking about movies. I know that Jason has been to see Star Wars: Episode III, but how about the rest of you out there? I especially say "tag" to Shandi, JL, Buffalo and Shaylen.

1. What was the last movie you went to see?

2. What is your all-time favorite movie and why? Did you see it at the theater, or was it a video/DVD?

3. What movie stands out in your mind as the one which made you cry the most?

4. What is the funniest movie you've seen? What was your favorite part or line from that movie?

5. Is there a movie which changed your opinion on something? What movie was it?

6. What is the worst movie you've ever paid to see at the theater?

7. Popcorn? Jujifruits? Licorice? Junior Mints? Nachos? or Raisinettes?

8. Have you ever been intimate with someone while watching a movie at the theater? What movie was it the last time? (Please don't say Schindler's List!) Are you still with this person?

9. Have you ever screamed while watching a movie or shouted at the screen? What did you say?

10. Name your favorite movie soundtrack. Can you remember the part of the movie where your favorite song is played?

Monday, May 23, 2005

Reflections Remix (feat. Shandi)

The things you see sometimes
Shandi's post on Saturday reminded me that I needed to get this one done. OK, let's see a show of hands: How many of you are red light voyeurs? You know, you're sitting at a red light and check your six, only to find something or someone interesting in the car behind you. Yeah, thaaat's better, I THOUGHT you were!

So, I'm headed cross-town Friday after work to a housewarming party for a co-worker, and two lights into my trip I nonchalantly tip my head back to check out what's behind me. Bingo! There behind me was a nice sporty model with pleasing lines, and the girl driving the Grand Am was rather attractive as well. As I'm wearing shades, I pretend to be taking inventory of my thoughts with my head tipped back so far it gives me a very good view of the lass. 30-ish, nice complexion, luscious straight brunette hair, and she seems to be looking at me.

"Is she on to my game?" I wonder, so I don't move as that's a dead give-away that you just got nailed, you Peeper. It's a rather long light anyway, so I'm afforded the 50 cent extended show and keep my attention fixed on the smoldering flame behind me. Suddenly she tips her head to the right in a brisk snap and inserts her index finger into her ear, digging for gold. After a few cranks the finger is removed. All I can think at this point is "Hmm, interesting." So the horrifying train wreck is on, I can't look away now. I mean, I was remotely enamored after all, but the ear spooning thing raises an eyebrow too.

Now back to her wet-willied pointer, I can only imagine what that must have sounded like as she pulled her finger back out. It must have made a "phlup" sound, because something she harvested had her attention as she was now giving it the once-over with her thumb in the same manner that David Caruso might inspect a substance found at a crime scene. Unable to discern the contents resting under her fingernail, she then resorted to olfactory inspection. Yup, she stuck that finger right under her cute little nose and took a healthy whiff. WHY?! I can see if you're a guy that you might visually check your ear-grinding finger for an errant ear-hair, but for gosh sakes, a beautiful specimen like her must surely maintain her ear canals! Well, no matter, the light turns green so I have to pull away from the light.

After about a block, I notice she's still behind me. "A-ha! She likes the look of Jimmy's Foc-us from the rear!" The game is on! Sure enough, she's positioned right behind me at the next light. Whew! I'm so tired I need to rest my head back again. Let's see what she's doing now.
GAAA! Now she's picking her teeth!!!

With the same finger!!!!!!

And then, she harvested something from between her teeth, inspected it, and evidently found it edible. You know what I mean.

I'm not sure I'm going to be playing my look-at-life-through-a-2-by-8-window game in quite a while. People, learn from my mistakes, please! Some good must come from this travesty.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

MMmmememe-meeeee.......

Me been busy for a few days, but anxious to finish homework. Homework kept Me busy for days:

  1. Replacing garage door opener: Me up til 4am. I promise, although a bit deliberate in reading instructions and following steps (measure twice, cut once) Me busy entire time. Long story. . .
  2. Co-worker has bought her first house, a Lustron home, and had housewarming party Friday night. Me could only go for just over an hour as Wifey and girl-angel went to school camp-out, and boy-angel not allowed. Me and B-A go play mini-golf and eat ice cream. Me fall asleep by 9:30 due to #1 above.
  3. Saturday was busy helping Wifey's master garden plan by moving wood pile, going to both of my angel's baseball games, then pick up after dog, cut grass, grill yummy dinner, shower, and finally-- go to former co-worker's house for party w/ "the gals".
I'm hoping to get my permission slip signed soon.

Shandi was discussing dream themes the other day and the assignment is to reveal dreams relating to 3 categories: erotic, inspiring, and terrifying. I'm assuming we're working with the kind of 'dream' that takes place during R.E.M. sleep and not the daytime wandering-mind fantasy kind. So, here 'goes:

Erotic: There was a recurring one I used to have long ago. She was a beautiful blonde (OK, so I was stereotypical in my youth.) If you've ever seen Kim Basinger in "L.A. Confidential" (before she gets smacked in the face by Russell Crowe's character,) you know what I mean. She was wearing a shimmering gold dress- the strapless kind without sleeves- which appeared to be made from a mylar-type fabric as opposed to one put together with a Ronco Rhinestone and Stud Setter. And man, was it cut just right. If you remember Curly's line in "City Slickers" where he was talking about The One with the sun behind her showing the "shape that God had given her," you know what I mean. This wasn't some kind of tawdry bar-whore dress, either (well, maybe from the waist up;) it was full length and didn't reveal the slightest bit of cleavage. I don't remember that there was even a slit on the side, so I don't know how the poor thing could have walked in the damn thing. Come to think of it, I'm not sure that she walked or even had feet. I just remember that wonderful dress, her wholesome face and being incredibly turned-on by her shoulders (the only part which was naked) and how her body looked in that dress (the other parts I wanted naked. I think I'm self-analyzing here...)

The confusing part is where this takes place: in a field next to a school near my boyhood home. The field had a football field in a bowl on one end and a baseball diamond way down on the other. For some strange reason our meeting takes place on the plateau above the football field. There are no words spoken in this dream, just an extended, hold-on-for-dear-life embrace and a good old-fashioned kiss.


Inspring: Not a lot of detail here as I can't recall any specific ones, or at least there aren't any recurring dreams burned into memory. In general, I think there's a cornucopia of dreams where I play the part of Hero. There are other dreams where I can soar like a bird or a jet-plane, but I'm convinced those took place when I was falling out of bed. On the other hand, Kim Basinger in that gold dress is pretty inspiring, too.


Terrifying:
Hold on to your butts, folks! This one was common during many years of my youth. Like Shandi's dream, the first thing I can remember is that I'm running in the woods. Now, I loved being in the woods, but not this time. I'm not sure I can call it woods, it was more like a dark forest. The kind of place were you can't see much other than what's directly in front of you, or the golden eyes of your garden-variety evil creature lurking in the distance. And 'running' probably isn't the best way to describe it, maybe 'scrambling' or 'clambering' is better. I just know that I wanted to get away, and fast because something was after me and it wasn't good. I'm trying as hard as I can to sprint, the kind of exertion where you FEEL the perspiration taking place, but the image I see is slow-motion. It's as if I was running in place on marbles, but when I look down there's nothing but good old terra-firma. (Noteworthy: it's a well-worn path of firmly-packed earth in an otherwise lush environment. I've been here many times.)

I can hear myself breathing, and it's frantic. Not the low tones of someone enjoying their time in the hundred acre wood, but the higher pitch one hears when having difficulty breathing either due to asthma or because a big sibling is sitting on their chest. I hear my heart beating in my eardrums. I can hear footsteps too, but they're not mine because even though I'm running as fast as I can I'm not moving. The footsteps come in rapid clusters ta-da-thwip, ta-da-thwip, ta-da-thwip. The kind only a four-legged creature can make at full gallop, and it's gaining on me. I can hear it breathing; it's panting, but not laboring. It's more like a locomotive out for a Sunday cruise. Closer now, I can feel the tropic breath on my heels and I turn to see what's behind me. Oh no, God no! It's The Wolf. Run! Run faster! You can't let it get you, it will surely kill you. Didn't you see what that wolf did to Old Yeller?!

I'm pumping my arms so fast they are just a blur now, but so is the forest. It's blurring into a dark tunnel, am I about to make the jump to hyperspace? Am I blacking out? I'M STILL NOT MOVING! It's gotta' be close enough to pounce on my back, it's growling the quickening growl of anticipation. I check behind me one more time but something has grabbed my left foot. No, something has stopped my left foot because I'm falling to the ground. It's a gnarled tree root from a towering oak next to the path, even Nature has turned against me. All the air leaves my lungs with a groan when I hit the ground. For some reason, I turn over because you HAVE to watch when the train wrecks, don't you? I'm shackled by the tree root, there will be no escape. The Wolf lands on me with a perfect 4-point touchdown, its forelegs squarely on my shoulders. Pausing only to raise its hackels, snarl, and expose it's fangs; it lunges at my neck. I can only turn my head, close my eyes, and scream for all I'm worth. The wide-mouthed scream where all the veins and tendons pop out of your neck, just like in Pink Floyd's "The Wall". But no sound comes out, there's just darkness. Darkness, and a fan running on Hi, and I can't move because I'm afraid to open my eyes. I'm cold because the perspiration's doing its job, and the fan's in the window doing its job at the same time; drawing in the dewy night air and blowing it across my still, frozen body. My clenched fists hold bed sheets and mattress, if my toes were longer they would too. Minutes pass as I gather my wits and tune my senses to mentally take inventory, for I have to keep playing dead or it will attack again. My jaw hurts because I'm clenching my teeth. I don't feel blood dripping down my neck. My legs are cold, so they must still be there. My breathing is shallow, almost quivering, I hope it doesn't give me away. The air moving across my body is heavy and wet, but cool. Maybe the beast is withdrawing, but I can't hear it breathing because of the fan. Many times they play with their prey before devouring it, right? It could be sitting over in the shadows waiting for me to move. I strain to slowly raise only my right eyelid for that is closest to the ground and must be in the shadows. I can see my closet, I can feel my fan blowing cold air across my body, I can feel my bed, I'm still alive, this HAD to be a dream. But I've been here before.

I was terrified of dogs, either due to this dream or I had this dream because of my fear of dogs.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog. Yes, friends; I'm afraid that I've inadvertently deleted your comments in my exuberant rush to have Haloscan controlled comments that include date and time. Call me blog-newbie, go ahead and say it. Blog-doofus, Blog-noramus, Blog-ago in a land far, far away. . . .

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Get Me To the Church on Time

What a whirlwind weekend I had, my buddy got married! After all this time, and a few near-Mrs., he finally gets the girl. I couldn't be happier for them.


THURS / FRI
It all started with the rehearsal on Thursday followed by tux fitting on Friday. The rehearsal went smoothly, except Bridesmaid #4 hadn't arrived until the good Father had all of us lined-up for the entrances. Then #4 arrived, or should I say spilled into the aisle, plodding towards Bridey. "I'm ssssooooo hhhaaaap-eeeee!" The poor thing recently turned 21 and evidently is still diligently practicing her drunken diction. Needs work.

Luckily, most thought she was just a bubbly girl overcome with emotion, rather than emotionally disturbed overcome by bubbly. The evening was topped-off by the restaurant screwing-up the bride's order. After that, a good time was had by all.

The tux fitting could have been better, this tux shop is small-town and run by mama. Evidently mama can't double-check anything. I'm a 48 long jacket, and I put the coat on and thought it to be comfortably roomy until I tried to button the thing.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Heh-heh! What a sense of humor those folks at After Hours Tuxedos have, sending a good ol' 54 for me. A touch huge. Then, to boot, the vest was cartoonishly large. A whopping 2XL. Mama pulls out the measurements which were faxed to her, and there by the jacket my 48 is crossed off and 54 is written in its place. Mysterious, no?

SATURDAY, THE BIG ONE
Thanks to After Hours Tuxedos (as well as a thoroughly disappointing rental shop,) a return trip on the day of the wedding is in order. This is after a traditional round of golf is squeezed into the morning, plus the 1 hour round trip, not to mention dropping Groomsman# 4 back at his mother's house so he can then gather his family to head for the hotel where the Groom's party is to meet. On my way to the hotel I grab lunch and gas up, because I'm not quite pressed enough for time.

Wouldn't you know it, everything Saturday went flawlessly!

They kissed!
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

They toasted!
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

They're not gay! Here comes the happy couple. . .
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Now that that's outta the way, after the reception ended things got a bit out of hand. It seems the hotel lounge was having some sort of "Parrot-head" party, complete with a Buffett-esque band playing beach tunes and swim toys. Don't ask.
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us


As always, a happy ending!
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
DISMISSED!

Monday, May 02, 2005

Heard at the office today:

Girl behind me: Does anybody have an old computer keyboard at home I can have?

Girl next to me: Oh! I have one in the back of my car! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I don't have the computer, ha-ha-ha, I just have the keyboard!

Girl behind me: That would be great! I spilled a cup of coffee on mine at home, and I've been trying to work with just the mouse. You don't know how hard it is to be on the internet and just copying/pasting to get the letters for an address. It took me forever.

Girl next to me: I can't believe that I just have the keyboard in the back of my car. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, I'm such a freak!


Why me, Lord? I'm trapped between these two vidiots, nearly every morning they waste at least 1/2 hour discussing last night's talent show or reality series. It's maddening, I tell ya! Girl next to me also has many aliases: Drama Queen, Trailer Trash, Know-it-All, Control Freak, Anything You Can Do I Can Do Betty, and my personal favorite: Barracuda. She can talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk until you pass out, and she'll keep right on going. No joke! She even talks to herself, a-lot. That's not including the mumbling (think 'The Hamburglar', but then juice the boy up on mega quantities of coffee.)

I imagine my life at the office is much like the poor saps in the movie "The Saw". I get up to leave for a few minutes, you know, "go for a walk." Still, I can't get away from her, she's managed to end-up in the same place.

God is a cruel, cruel being. Some days I lose the will to live.