The Ending I Never Expected
Tonight closes another chapter in the story that is life in our neighborhood.
A few months ago I helped move our next door neighbor into a care facility where he could be near his son who suffers from Cerebral Palsy and no longer concerned about what if he were to fall again at home. At that time, one of his other sons was still living in the house; a matter which was surely going to be complex to resolve for the eldest son who has power of attorney and was intent on getting things minimized. The situation developed as expected early-on; with offers of arranging and providing other housing for his brother ultimately refused there was then an eviction notice, cable turned off, etc.
A second notice was given and things were seemingly progressing along, and reports from Knowledgeable, Concerned Neighbor that he was going to move out. It was never clear to me as to "when" that would take place, just that it was considered certain and cooperative. That was a relief to me, as we were not alone in our concern over having him nearby. He seemed out of touch, his stories were difficult to believe, and we didn't care for the abusive way he interacted with his parents (Although, I must admit that in the time since his father moved out, he has been exceedingly nice whenever I saw him outside speaking with his father. Even one time letting me know that a piece of trim from our vinyl fence keeps falling off...) It seemed as though he wanted to stay, as if tripping over himself to be kind would somehow negate the need for his fathers affairs to be tidied up.
Fast forward to this evening, it's Wednesday night, which means it's golf night. I've been inside about 15 minutes and my cell phone rings with a call from home. It's a bit boisterous inside and I can hear my wife, but it's hard to tell if my signal is breaking up, her voice is breaking up, or I'm hearing things. Once outside, it's clear that there's a problem and I need to get home.
She was with Knowledgeable, Concerned Neighbor (whose husband ALSO wasn't home, I feel so bad!) Evidently today was to be move-out day, and his friend who was going to help with the move was unable to reach him all day. His father called our neighbor and asked her to help him check on things; she in turn called Wifey to see if she would help also. Wifey thought it best if the police were brought in as well, so once his father arrived they discussed this with him and he agreed. Thankfully, the officer went in alone and was the one to find him. The indications are that he ended his own life.
It is saddening on many fronts: that the father has to experience this at his age, that he has to experience it at all, that- once again- all the unknowns that stack up and lead one to think the dark thoughts successfully weaved their way through his life to become a web of despair he could no longer sweep away, and that it happened next to my home and my children.
Wifey did a good job of sheltering the kids, but my daughter is such a curious thing I worry about what she may have caught sight of. Did she see the father? Did she see the officer? Did she see the concern in their eyes? Did she see the growing number of neighbors and friends arriving to console the father? How will I ever know? You can't just ask about it, that would bring attention to it- and she's so brilliant.
I'm troubled too at how the officer found him. Evidently he was prone to sleeping in a recliner, but he was found lying on the couch, covered head-to-toe with a blanket. It helps if I think that he didn't want his father to see him that way, but the tormenting thought is that even in such despair there is that moment of compassion and lucidity as to cover himself as he seemingly drifted off.
A very weird thing is that they can't find his keys or his wallet, and his car is locked in the garage.
There will be many things the family will have to deal with- his elder brother is blaming himself for this, his son came and shared tears with grandpa tonight. The aftermath will surely be long lived, and I pray that they all get the support, understanding and love that they need to cope with what has happened.
